My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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