Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
