woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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