haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
