My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize