I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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