i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
