I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
