I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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