I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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