my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
