also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
