No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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