He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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