Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
