In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
