Please, let me fuck your mom
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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