Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
