Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
