I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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