I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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