if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
