Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
