Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
