We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize