Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ttyl tear gas
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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