he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize