my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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