I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
