I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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