2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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