the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
