just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
