how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
