So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
