Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
