Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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