my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize