im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
