maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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