You're so nebulous sometimes
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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