i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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