just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
