I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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