I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
