exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize