batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
