I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
