Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
