no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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