I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize