Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
