Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
