i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
