hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
