it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
