I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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