I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize