if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
