im drinking this country out of the recession.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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