Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
