I cockslap morals
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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