last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
