People in love make me want to vomit
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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