A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just invented taco cereal.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
