Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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