Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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