Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
