do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
