guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
