Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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