btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
is that a dick in a sweater?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
