I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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