You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
