a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
