when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
