I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His hands were made for my vagina.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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