Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
