How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
