is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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