Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
