i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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