Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
