shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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