Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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