Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My balls are so social today.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
