take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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