Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
