Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
